“I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, sir” said Alice “because I am not myself you see”. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland is one of my favourite books and one I can relate to, even though most of it is complete nonsense – maybe that’s why it resonates with me so much. The location of these photos is very Wonderland-esque and that was partly my inspiration to write this post. The rest of my inspiration comes from the fact that I in-fact, have not been feeling like myself lately at all.
“I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed a few times since then”
Since I’ve been back from my holiday and life has resumed as normal, I have felt rather ‘lost’. I thought it would be a temporary feeling, but it seems to be sticking with me longer than it usually would after a holiday or another fun event. At home, whatever I do I can’t relax and always feel stressed, even if I don’t have much to do. On holiday, it was a breath of fresh air to feel like I could just sit on a sun lounger reading a book, sipping a cocktail and smiling at my boyfriend every so often to show him how content I was haha. If you have any tips for how to relax at home, please let me know because I need to try something!
“How do you run from what’s inside your head?”
I also think this ‘lost’ feeling stems from the fact I live inside my head a lot of the time and have done for as long as I can remember. When you live inside your head and have negative thoughts about yourself, you begin to believe those thoughts and it is so hard to think positively again. I have been struggling with my health for a while and it has impacted on my life in many ways, such as more recently feeling very self-conscious. Whilst on holiday, I managed to get myself so down about the fact that my skin isn’t beautifully tanned and that my body isn’t perfectly toned the way I want it to be. If you’ve been in that mindset, you know how horrendous it is and how it affects your mood daily. I also feel lost in the sense that I don’t feel like I am good at anything and my head tells me everyone is achieving a lot more than I am.
“Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle”
I suppose we are all different and I need to learn how to not make comparisons between me and other people. We all have our own bodies, which don’t all have to look the same. We also have our own interests and talents, and not everyone is going to be good at the same things. I’m still trying to figure out what I’m doing, what I’m good at and trying to stop so many negative thoughts from clouding my judgement of myself.